Emotional Wellbeing ~ Grief as an Experience

Many people think they experience grief for the first time when they lose a loved one. Friend, family member or someone you feel close to. You’re probably familiar with the term ‘The Five Stages of Grief‘, known as the Kübler-Ross model, a concept first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death & Dying. The book describes the five stages as:

Memory Taps

Days gone, nights gone
No song to sing
Listening to the tap tap
That memory brings

Lessons in the Transformation

We go through grief, pain, joy, happiness, sadness, pleasure, hope – all sorts of emotions, and when we make it through it’s like we’re left in a state of reflection and sometimes, exhaustion. For me, its like I have to take a breather so I can try and make some kind of sense of my experiences, whatever they are. Every time I go through grief, each time is different to the last. Just when I think I’ve got a handle on it, something happens (the smallest change, or some mundane event) and I either spiral down into some stupid black hole I dig for myself, or I become a zombie-like, unfeeling, walking stone.

When I make it past that hurdle, Im thinking, ‘Wow, what was the point of that? Did I learn anything? What the hell did I learn? Man, I didnt learn shit! What a damn waste of time that was. Seriously, what was the point of going through all that stupid, painful emotion? WHAT?!’.

So, having grown up a bit since the above rant, Im now thinking about what kind of lessons I’ve learned. I mean, I dont think Im necessarily stronger. And I dont feel any more grateful than I did before. Well, maybe Im grateful my experiences didnt kill me. Oh maybe I am stronger then. Since my experiences didnt kill me. But I dont feel like I know any more than I did before. I cant say Im smarter than I was, I still do dumbass things and I still dont think before I speak.

Actually, as Im writing this, I can remember through the deepest, dark times, there were moments of miracles. Like the time this thought popped into my head, ‘As low as I feel, I can feel the love I have for …..’. That was an important moment for me, realizing ‘Hey, look at this, I can feel like total shit but still have caring and loving feelings!’. I mean, I dont know if its a good thing or not but it really was a huge deal for me.

I do feel a subtle change, as if I’ve transformed somehow. You know that feeling? Its like, you feel different, but the same. Like, you’ve learned something but you dont know what it is and it feels like you’ve grown. Maybe its not about the lessons we learn as such, but the fact that we grow from our experiences. Thats kind of a lesson in itself, right?

Growth. Yeah, I like that. We go through stuff, good and bad, so we can grow.

As long as we're learning, we're growing

Video: Seven Pounds Trailer

Haunted by a secret, Ben Thomas looks for redemption by radically transforming the lives of seven people he doesn’t know. Once his plan is set, nothing will be able to stop him. At least that’s what he thinks. But Ben hadn’t planned on falling in love with one of these people and she’s the one who will end up transforming him.

I really liked this movie, I think its an interesting look at the way the human mind works when we are in emotional pain. It shows how we have choices in how we handle our pain, and that we all have the power over our own decisions in what we do with that pain. The choices we make and the actions we take have consequences, and what I liked about this movie is how it shows the main character clearly thinking through his decisions. Or does he? It made me uncomfortable and queazy, for many reasons but watch the movie and see what you think.